The Lasagna Battlefield

I never claim to be a parenting expert.  Now, having said that, let me tell you how we deal with food battles in our home.  Some will say that you have to "win" the battle at the dinner table in order to turn your kids into good eaters, therefore making them good eaters in other people's homes, and also insuring that they won't be picky eaters throughout their life, yada yada yada....

I have not dealt with the food battle in some time....until tonight.  Until lasagna.  Lasagna.  Yes, lasagna. Seriously, who doesn't like lasagna?  Joel, that's who.  

We sat down to eat, and I had placed a small amount on his plate, along with some green beans (like 4 or 5).  We prayed, we began to eat, and he started to cry.  "What's the matter Joel?"  "I don't feel good."  "Oh, okay.  Do you need to use the bathroom (always rule out the need for the bathroom)? "  "No."  At this point I was beginning to guess that the tears were less about being sick and more about not really wanting what was on his plate.  So I said, "if you don't feel well then you need to go lay down on the couch while we eat, otherwise, if you stay here, then you need to eat your supper."  He sat for a couple minutes, I reminded him of his choices, and he got down from the table and went to the couch.  The rest of us finished our meal. I should mention that throughout the meal I caught him smiling at something funny that we were saying at the table, so I knew sickness really wasn't the issue.  After dinner Joel came back to the kitchen to say he was hungry.  I told him that was fine, he could have some lasagna at the counter by himself.  He refused.  I continued to do the dishes.  About ten minutes into doing dishes Joel decided to eat some lasagna.  Not much, but enough to get rid of his hunger.  Did I win the battle?  Yes, I believe I did.  Did we have frustration, raised voices, tantrums, and bargaining?  No, we did not.

Here's the thing - I have "battled" with a strong willed child over many a meal, but I always walked away feeling like I didn't really win.  We were both exasperated by the end of it.  I have learned that this is one area that you really need to pick your battle in.  The child has a choice.  You can eat, or not eat.  If you don't eat, then you may be excused to another room (not to play, but to sit quietly).  I do not prepare something else that is more to that child's liking.  They do not go hungry.  They might feel a hunger pain, but they are not starving.  None of our children have ever missed a meal. 

Our kids have gone through stages.  There have been times when one of them really didn't like meat.  There are times when they love broccoli, and then the next time I fix it they announce that they no longer like it. Kids can be fickle.  I don't always like everything, and I don't expect that they will like everything put in front of them either.  I am more concerned about how they respond to not liking an item, rather than actually liking that item.  We have a policy in our house that if you sit down to a meal and immediately state that what we're having looks gross, or you hate what we're having, then you are excused to go sit in the other room until you change your attitude.  I work hard to prepare meals.  I'm not asking you to love it, I'm asking you to be polite and considerate of the time I put into preparing it.  

Dave & I did not battle with Joel over the lasagna.  A toddler can be an entirely different ball game.  Joel is 5, he is not prone to tantrums like a two year old.  If a two year old is throwing a fit, then I would suggest  moving them to another location (a pack-n-play or crib) until they finish their tantrum.  I have never been a short-order cook for my kids.  There are a few exceptions in our home.  One would be zucchini casserole. Dave & I love this zucchini casserole that I make, but the kids really do not.  When I make it I usually have a second option at the table that I know they like.  There are a couple other things that I make only because I know Dave & I really enjoy it, but the kids aren't crazy about it, so I have a second option.  This is rare.

So, here's my advice on food issues - don't make a big deal out of it.  We all have choices....so does your child.  You can eat, or you can not eat, the choice is yours.  If you throw a fit then your behavior will be dealt with, not whether you eat, or not.  In our house, choosing not to eat also means you've made the choice to sit quietly in another room while the rest of us enjoy our meal.  I don't make midnight snacks, and I don't prepare something different if you don't like it.  End of discussion. 

One side note - Because we deal with this at home we rarely have to deal with this in the company of others, and the older the kids get, the less these battles take place....except for lasagna night, apparently.  :)