Friday, September 28, 2012

To Etiquette or Not To Etiquette

Webster defines the word etiquette as: the conduct or procedure required by good breeding or prescribed by authority to be observed in social or official life.  Examples of etiquette include, but are not limited to, "Her failure to respond to the invitation was a serious breach of etiquette."  

You may be wondering where I'm going with this, and as a matter of fact, I am wondering the same thing.  Just kidding.  Now where was I, oh yes, etiquette.  I do not claim to be the authority on proper behavior in public, but I bet each of us can spot someone behaving improperly a mile away.  

Whatever happened to asking politely, "please pass the (insert item here)," instead of reaching across the table to grab what we want.  Or, how about when an invitation has an R.S.V.P. (comes from a French word I can't pronounce, meaning to please respond), with a date, why don't we respond on or before that date.  It is rude to show up to an event that had an R.S.V.P. date, and we did not respond, but we showed up anyway.  Maybe it's more embarrassing for you, to realize the wedding reception does not have a place card for you because no one knew you were coming.  

How do we teach our kids in a day and age where manners and etiquette seem like a lost art form, how to be polite, and show they have "good breeding?"  First of all, it is by example.  Children do not take what you say and automatically apply it to their life, they need to see it in action.  Look for opportunities at your own dinner table (perhaps another topic would be, The Importance of Having Dinner At A Table With Your Family...stay tuned) to teach your kids how to behave.  Teach them that a napkin has a purpose, your sleeve does not.  Teach them to chew with their mouths closed.  Teach them to keep their elbows off the table.  Remember, "Johnny, Johnny, strong and able, get your elbows off the table."   Teach them how to have conversation at the dinner table.  It may seem silly to force table conversation, but being intentional in training our kids is key.  One of my biggest pet peeve's is having to interact with someone who is only able to carry on a conversation about them self, other than that, they have nothing to talk about.  Teach your kids how to ask questions, and inquire about someone else's interests.  Also, teach them to write thank-you cards.  This does not have to be a lost art.  If they receive a birthday card with money in the mail, acknowledge the gift with a thank you note.  If they are not old enough to write, then write for them, and let them draw a picture to put with the note.  It's simple, but gratitude is a quality that will be useful their entire lives.

When my oldest was little, I was constantly reminding her to say please when she asked for something.  I realized one day that I was doing this so often, that I corrected the cat when he meowed to come in.  I opened the door and told him to say "please."  When I realized what I had done I nervously laughed, and put myself to bed for the next 24 hours.  Sometimes teaching manners has side effects.  Lesson learned - Cats do not say please!  

I do not say these things as an expert, but as a parent who is trying to raise well-mannered kids.  But I realize I still have a lot of example-setting left to do.  




Thursday, September 27, 2012

When In Doubt...Don't

I recently read an article entitled "To Share or Not to Share," in an older issue of "Thriving Family," a Focus on the Family magazine. http://www.thrivingfamily.com/  I am an avid "Facebooker" (made up word, describing one who enjoys using facebook), but I am often bothered by posts where parents complain about their children, or air their family's dirty laundry.  I don't typically comment on these posts, but this is my blog, and I can comment here on what I think.

This article was short, and to the point, and it offered a few questions to ask yourself before you post about your children.  The article stated that "In our social media-saturated world, our posts can negatively affect our children - inflating their egos, embarrassing them or eroding their trust in us.  Before you post, ask:  How will this affect the way my child sees herself?  Does it build trust?  Home should be a haven for everyone.  Blogging about my daughter's moodiness may be cathartic, but it violates her trust in me.  What if it were me?  What's adorable to us can be embarrassing to our children.  As your child gets older, he may be mortified you posted that picture of him during bath time."  (Article written by Esther Feng)

This particular article put into words exactly what I had been thinking.  I like to post funny anecdotes about my family, but hopefully I do not humiliate them, and I keep what needs to be private, private.  Keep in mind, that when you were growing up your mother was not blogging, tweeting, or facebooking the details of your life.  While I love this age of keeping in touch with so many, it can also be a temptation to divulge too many of life's details.  Do I love that your kid plays soccer? Yes!  Do I need to know that you are mad at them for leaving their dirty underwear on the bathroom floor?  NO!  

So, when in doubt about what to say on your facebook status, don't!