You may be wondering where I'm going with this, and as a matter of fact, I am wondering the same thing. Just kidding. Now where was I, oh yes, etiquette. I do not claim to be the authority on proper behavior in public, but I bet each of us can spot someone behaving improperly a mile away.
Whatever happened to asking politely, "please pass the (insert item here)," instead of reaching across the table to grab what we want. Or, how about when an invitation has an R.S.V.P. (comes from a French word I can't pronounce, meaning to please respond), with a date, why don't we respond on or before that date. It is rude to show up to an event that had an R.S.V.P. date, and we did not respond, but we showed up anyway. Maybe it's more embarrassing for you, to realize the wedding reception does not have a place card for you because no one knew you were coming.
How do we teach our kids in a day and age where manners and etiquette seem like a lost art form, how to be polite, and show they have "good breeding?" First of all, it is by example. Children do not take what you say and automatically apply it to their life, they need to see it in action. Look for opportunities at your own dinner table (perhaps another topic would be, The Importance of Having Dinner At A Table With Your Family...stay tuned) to teach your kids how to behave. Teach them that a napkin has a purpose, your sleeve does not. Teach them to chew with their mouths closed. Teach them to keep their elbows off the table. Remember, "Johnny, Johnny, strong and able, get your elbows off the table." Teach them how to have conversation at the dinner table. It may seem silly to force table conversation, but being intentional in training our kids is key. One of my biggest pet peeve's is having to interact with someone who is only able to carry on a conversation about them self, other than that, they have nothing to talk about. Teach your kids how to ask questions, and inquire about someone else's interests. Also, teach them to write thank-you cards. This does not have to be a lost art. If they receive a birthday card with money in the mail, acknowledge the gift with a thank you note. If they are not old enough to write, then write for them, and let them draw a picture to put with the note. It's simple, but gratitude is a quality that will be useful their entire lives.
When my oldest was little, I was constantly reminding her to say please when she asked for something. I realized one day that I was doing this so often, that I corrected the cat when he meowed to come in. I opened the door and told him to say "please." When I realized what I had done I nervously laughed, and put myself to bed for the next 24 hours. Sometimes teaching manners has side effects. Lesson learned - Cats do not say please!
I do not say these things as an expert, but as a parent who is trying to raise well-mannered kids. But I realize I still have a lot of example-setting left to do.
1 comment:
We never had money to spend on extras like eating at nice restaurants... or even McDonalds... but we taught and taught and taught our children all kinds of manners. It didn't dawn on me that any of it was even making an impression until we took all 3 of them (boys) to a fancy restaurant, with the reminder/threat of "use your manners or we'll leave and never come back." (2 youngest had never been to one) and as we were seated the middle child commented in a "not so quiet" whisper, "Hey, Mom! Look! Cloth napkins!" They had never seen them before but thankfully, knew how to use them! It's so important to teach our children proper etiquette, even as etiquette changes with succeeding generations, some things never get outdated; good manners, is one of them. Thanks for posting!
PS Tell Dave it was Christopher at age 7... and the waiter was named David... and before the night was over, he challenged Christopher to a duel with the little swords that came with the lemon for their water... so much for manners!! (but it was a quiet time at the restaurant and I was outnumbered *sigh*)
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