Throwback Thursday

Because it's cold and snowy, and because it's Throwback Thursday, I had to share this oldie, but goodie.

Julie, January 2005.  I can't believe this little cutie patootie is going to turn 11 in less than two months.  

Yep, I'm fearful

A friend posted this article to Facebook, "School Ditches Rules," and as I read it, I thought - Yes, Yes, Yes! I agree with this so much, I can taste it.  But after I read it, and thought about it for a while, I came to a conclusion. I'm a scaredy cat.  Yep, you heard it here first.  I absolutely think we live in a society where we're overwhelming our kids with safety rules, and we continue to add to the list of unsafe toys.  We live in the day and age of video baby monitors, 5 point harness', and bike helmets (I'm not saying these things are bad, they just weren't around when I was a kid).   But, I have to admit that I too get overly concerned with safety.  The words "be careful," come out of my mouth a lot, but for a different reason.

Here is where I differ from the "safety experts."  I let my kids go crazy on the swing set.  We got our first swing set when Julie was 18 months old (it came with the house).  As soon as she could climb the ladder and go down the slide without help, I let her.  I didn't go inside to make dinner while she played, but I let her test the boundaries herself when it came to the ladder and the slide.  We still have a swing set in our back yard and I let my kids play on it, unsupervised.  They climb on top of the pink play house and watch our neighbor mow the lawn.  I let my kids ride their bikes in the driveway without a helmet...yes, without a helmet.  If I thought we could get away with it, I'd let them ride in the back of a pick-up truck like I did as a kid.  When we're at camp they ride the four-wheeler, shoot bb-guns, and learn to drive my dad's bulldozer. I'm not afraid to let them get dirty and try things.

So, where am I scared?  When the girls ask if they're old enough to go for a walk around the block together, without me, I panic.  My panic is less about letting my kids get dirty and try new things; it's a panic over living in a society rid with creepy pedophiles, human trafficking and Amber Alerts.  It's a panic over wanting them to have the childhood I had (riding bikes and playing in the creek, without supervision), but fearful that I'll be the mom on the 6:00 news that is verbally ripped to shreds for not watching her kids more closely.  So, when they head out for a walk, I instruct them to be careful, don't talk to strangers, and check in with me before they go around again.

We are living in a different day and age than my parents grew up in, or that I grew up in, for that matter.  But, I struggle between letting my fear of these things, and my kids' need to have more independence, control me. My biggest fear (as is most parents) is something happening to my kids.  Finding a balance between living in a society that reports missing kids constantly, and where sites allow you to find out how close you live to registered sex offenders, and at the same time not wanting to live in constant fear, is difficult.  I've talked to my kids about "stranger danger," but I try not to talk to them every time they go out to play, because I don't want them to be afraid to play outside.

Run free on the playground...but don't run too close to that person we don't know.  Teaching them to be careful, but not fearful.  This is the balance I want to find.  At the end of the day I have to trust God with the safety of my kids, but even that can feel difficult, sometimes.  I want to protect, control, and keep them safe.

Where Am I Going With This???

I have blogged off and on for several years.  I started my first blog FourMoreMiles in 2007.  Wow!  My very first post on that site "click here", briefly explained why I started my blog.  Well, seven years later, give or take a couple years where my blogging was fewer and farther between, I'm still giving it a go for much of the same reason.  My mom has passed, so blogging for her benefit no longer applies.  But, blogging for my benefit, and keeping family up to date with us, is still a big reason why I do it.  Plus, it's just fun.

Lately, however, I'm feeling a bit lacking in the inspiration area.  I have larger gaps in my posting, and I'm not really sure what to say.  How often can you write about doing laundry, vacuuming, dusting, making supper, packing lunches, and changing diapers?  After a while, the daily grind doesn't seem blog-worthy.  I've been browsing websites that offer blog challenges, but nothing has really hit me yet.  Somehow typing out "100 things you didn't know about me," or "top 10 pet peeves," or "12 people I'd like to have lunch with," doesn't seem like the direction I'm headed with my site (one must then ask - does she really have a direction???).  Since I blog a lot about family and things I feel passionate about, I've decided that when I feel a lull in inspiration, I am going to feature someone in my life who's meant something to me...whether it be family, friends, or someone I met at the store that day, and write about them.  People matter, and someday I hope my kids will read my blogs and be reminded of what mattered to me, and when.  So, I'm still trying to decide who I'll write about first, but stay tuned, I'm gaining inspiration by the minute.  Oh, and feel free to give me suggestions on things I should talk about...or don't....whatever.  I don't want to seem needy.  :)

41 Years (Warning: Controversial)

*Disclaimer - This is a controversial subject, but one I feel so passionate about that I will not be silent.  You may read this and completely disagree with me. You may read this and think, "but she's never walked in my shoes." You would be right, and for that reason I don't take this lightly.  It is never my place to judge, or tell someone I know what they're going through.  It is my place to say that I know for a fact that God can bring healing to any situation.  There is forgiveness, and when something seems unforgivable, God forgives.

Sadie Grace - 18 weeks in utero

Now, that being said, I want to put words to my pro-life conviction.  Today marks the 41 year anniversary of the roe v. wade court ruling which legalized abortion in the US.  Many are in Washington D.C. this day marching for life.  I am marching in my own way today.  My march is with a passionate plea to consider the facts regarding this issue.  Scientific evidence that life inside the womb is just that, LIFE.  The child is being carried inside the mother's body, but he/she is not her body.  At the moment of conception a baby's entire genetic make-up is present.  Gender, finger prints, and much more, are there from that very moment.  54,000,000 and counting have lost their life to abortion.  54,000,000 and counting will never have an opportunity to vote, get an education, create a job, serve in the military, or be a mother of father themselves.

Before you call me intolerant, and uneducated on this topic, I want to ask you; Why should someone be silenced when it comes to defending life?  Since when did protecting another human being and standing for life inside the womb become the stand of someone ignorant and intolerant?

Let me be clear on what pro-life means to me.  Pro-Life, first and foremost, is to defend the voiceless. Those who are unable to speak for themselves.  The child inside the womb is voiceless, and the first priority in my pro-life stance.  But, it stretches beyond this for me.  The mother who is staring at the positive pregnancy test; confused, scared, panicked, and unsure of what to do....often she is voiceless.  Often the decisions in the days following the test are made for her.  Often she feels she has no other option.  Sometimes the father involved is the voiceless.  He wants to keep the baby, but that decision is taken out of his hands.  Beyond the issue of abortion is the child/adult bullied for being different, and they are voiceless.  The child abused at the hand of an adult is voiceless.  The elderly that are forgotten, can often be voiceless.  The sick without an advocate, is voiceless.  The woman being abused by her partner feels voiceless.

Voiceless takes on many rolls, and behind each of these voiceless situations is a life.  A human being.  A creation of God.

I recently read a statistic stating that 25% of women that seek abortions are being abused by their partner. Let me ask you - does ending the life of that child in her womb stop the partner from abusing her?  No.  The best example I can think of is handing someone a pain-reliever for a broken leg.  It might mask the symptom for a time, but it does not solve the problem.  This woman needs counsel, she needs someone to be her voice and say, "you are stronger than this.  You can walk away from this.  Let's get you help.  Let's not add one more heartache to an already messy situation."  We need to treat the problem, not the symptom.  We need to be a voice for her life, and in turn you are a voice for her unborn child.

I was speaking with someone a few days ago that works for a crisis pregnancy center.  She told me that the abortion rate is dropping.  You can also read this State of Abortion article for more proof.  She also said that in Erie County alone the number of pregnancies is down.  Not because they're having abortions, but because educating women (and men) is working.  This is exciting!  But, there is still more work to be done.  You may think that someone who votes pro-life is a one-issue voter.  Perhaps, but here is where I stand on this; God has placed such a high value on life!  He is the giver & taker of life, and I will need to answer to Him someday.  I will not have to answer on whether I voted for someone who could balance the national budget, but I will give an account before God on how I cared for all human life.  I do not take that lightly.

Psalm 139:13 - 16 says:
For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
    when I was made in the secret place,
    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
    all the days ordained for me were written in your book
    before one of them came to be.
God knows about each life before it is even formed...the days of our life are written in His book.  He knew when I was to be born, and when I shall die.  That is His decision, not mine.

You may disagree with me, but please don't call me ignorant, uneducated and judgmental regarding this topic.  I stand for life, and I choose to be a voice for the voiceless, but I cannot judge.  You will not see me with a picket sign in hand, offering only condemnation, and no hope.  I prefer to educate, and support those who are on the front lines helping women & men make educated choices.  So, on this 41 year anniversary of roe v. wade, I ask you to consider standing for life.  First and foremost the life inside the womb, because it is very much a life, and then the life of those around you who need to be given a voice.

This is a great video if you have 5 minutes:
41 Years of Roe v. Wade

Flashback Tuesday...

There's no particular reason for this post.  I was going through old photos the other day and came across this gem.  I love this picture.  I loved my childhood.  I love my parents.  My dad looks good in powder blue. That is all.... Oh, and I think the flash must have startled me.  :)

ca. 1978

Cleaning House & Other Resolutions

I am not typically one for New Year's resolutions, but this year I decided to challenge myself with a few. I love the idea of a fresh start.  A clean slate.  A new beginning.  It's a romantic thought, and my husband tells me that I love the "idea" of things, and that I romanticize the idea of things...that's why we have four children. I love the "idea" of babies.  Seriously, though...I LOVE babies, not just the idea of them.  I love the "idea" of puppies, kittens, baby chicks, collecting eggs, milking cows, riding horses, growing a garden...well, basically I love the "idea" of living on a farm.  I romanticize this idea.  I realize that farming is a reality for many people, and I envy them.  But, I have learned through experience that my mind let's me believe if I had a small farm I would love every single minute of it, and would never tire of it.  My husband, on the other hand, has learned to bring me back to reality because he knows that when I get an idea, that usually means more work for him when I tire of it.  I'm not proud of this quality, but I am learning to recognize it...or, I'm learning that my husband, as patient as he is, has a limit (and he has no romantic notions regarding owning a small farm).

Okay, back to my resolutions (I also tend to wander with my thoughts).  I've decided that my resolutions need to be small, attainable, and not include farming.  So, here's a few of the things I've resolved to do this year:

1.  Read the Bible from Genesis to Revelation in one year.
I am using a You Version App on my tablet to accomplish this.  I am following the One Year Bible plan, which gives me a series of passages to read for the day, and I can check them off as I go.  I need things like this...check lists, that is.

2.  Introduce more of a variety of veggies into our diet this year.  I try hard to include veggies in our meals every day.  The kids are fairly good vegetable eaters, but I think we lack variety.  So, the other night I made brussel sprouts.  As a kid I hated them, but as an adult I've acquired a taste for them.  However, our kids have not.  If they thought in any way that they could have had me arrested for making them try a brussel sprout, I'd be sporting a nice orange jump suit, as we speak.  This resolution is going to take some getting used to.

3.  Organize our house, and free us from items we just don't use, or need.  Today, I began this project.  I am starting in the kitchen.  I removed all the items from our lower cabinets, sorted, tossed, placed in a donate pile, etc., and I think I'm off to a good start.

Emptying the contents of the cupboards onto the floor and counter....seriously, who needs all this stuff?

Containers, travel mugs, water bottles, oh my...

The finished product of one of the cupboard's...I may leave the doors open for a while,
just to admire my handiwork.  

So, my resolution list is not lengthy, or overly difficult, but I am already feeling better knowing that I've started checking things off.  Oh, and Dave's just grateful that we aren't purchasing farm land....yet.  I'll wear him down eventually.  :)

The Lasagna Battlefield

I never claim to be a parenting expert.  Now, having said that, let me tell you how we deal with food battles in our home.  Some will say that you have to "win" the battle at the dinner table in order to turn your kids into good eaters, therefore making them good eaters in other people's homes, and also insuring that they won't be picky eaters throughout their life, yada yada yada....

I have not dealt with the food battle in some time....until tonight.  Until lasagna.  Lasagna.  Yes, lasagna. Seriously, who doesn't like lasagna?  Joel, that's who.  

We sat down to eat, and I had placed a small amount on his plate, along with some green beans (like 4 or 5).  We prayed, we began to eat, and he started to cry.  "What's the matter Joel?"  "I don't feel good."  "Oh, okay.  Do you need to use the bathroom (always rule out the need for the bathroom)? "  "No."  At this point I was beginning to guess that the tears were less about being sick and more about not really wanting what was on his plate.  So I said, "if you don't feel well then you need to go lay down on the couch while we eat, otherwise, if you stay here, then you need to eat your supper."  He sat for a couple minutes, I reminded him of his choices, and he got down from the table and went to the couch.  The rest of us finished our meal. I should mention that throughout the meal I caught him smiling at something funny that we were saying at the table, so I knew sickness really wasn't the issue.  After dinner Joel came back to the kitchen to say he was hungry.  I told him that was fine, he could have some lasagna at the counter by himself.  He refused.  I continued to do the dishes.  About ten minutes into doing dishes Joel decided to eat some lasagna.  Not much, but enough to get rid of his hunger.  Did I win the battle?  Yes, I believe I did.  Did we have frustration, raised voices, tantrums, and bargaining?  No, we did not.

Here's the thing - I have "battled" with a strong willed child over many a meal, but I always walked away feeling like I didn't really win.  We were both exasperated by the end of it.  I have learned that this is one area that you really need to pick your battle in.  The child has a choice.  You can eat, or not eat.  If you don't eat, then you may be excused to another room (not to play, but to sit quietly).  I do not prepare something else that is more to that child's liking.  They do not go hungry.  They might feel a hunger pain, but they are not starving.  None of our children have ever missed a meal. 

Our kids have gone through stages.  There have been times when one of them really didn't like meat.  There are times when they love broccoli, and then the next time I fix it they announce that they no longer like it. Kids can be fickle.  I don't always like everything, and I don't expect that they will like everything put in front of them either.  I am more concerned about how they respond to not liking an item, rather than actually liking that item.  We have a policy in our house that if you sit down to a meal and immediately state that what we're having looks gross, or you hate what we're having, then you are excused to go sit in the other room until you change your attitude.  I work hard to prepare meals.  I'm not asking you to love it, I'm asking you to be polite and considerate of the time I put into preparing it.  

Dave & I did not battle with Joel over the lasagna.  A toddler can be an entirely different ball game.  Joel is 5, he is not prone to tantrums like a two year old.  If a two year old is throwing a fit, then I would suggest  moving them to another location (a pack-n-play or crib) until they finish their tantrum.  I have never been a short-order cook for my kids.  There are a few exceptions in our home.  One would be zucchini casserole. Dave & I love this zucchini casserole that I make, but the kids really do not.  When I make it I usually have a second option at the table that I know they like.  There are a couple other things that I make only because I know Dave & I really enjoy it, but the kids aren't crazy about it, so I have a second option.  This is rare.

So, here's my advice on food issues - don't make a big deal out of it.  We all have choices....so does your child.  You can eat, or you can not eat, the choice is yours.  If you throw a fit then your behavior will be dealt with, not whether you eat, or not.  In our house, choosing not to eat also means you've made the choice to sit quietly in another room while the rest of us enjoy our meal.  I don't make midnight snacks, and I don't prepare something different if you don't like it.  End of discussion. 

One side note - Because we deal with this at home we rarely have to deal with this in the company of others, and the older the kids get, the less these battles take place....except for lasagna night, apparently.  :)

God Is Good....

What in the world happened to December?  In an effort to keep life simple during the Holiday's, I felt like things were actually more hectic.

Dave was in the process of a job change, and beginning this month he is now the lead Pastor at Bethel Baptist Church, Erie.  He was asked to candidate for the position, and did so on December 8th.  On the 15th the church voted to call him as their Pastor, and he accepted.  This is our home church, and we are excited to be staying in Erie, and continuing to serve alongside our friends & family.  We look forward with excitement to all the future holds for us, and Bethel.

We had several gathering's to attend for the Holiday's.  We hosted my family for Christmas Eve at our house, then Dave's mom & Grandma drove from New York to see us for a few days.  A school Christmas concert to attend.  Shopping to do.  Baking to do.  And last, but not least, Dave had minor surgery on his arm this past week to open up a nerve that was causing trouble in his left hand.  To say we've been busy may be an understatement.

I've listed all the activities we participated in and the job change for Dave, but the thing that stands out to me the most is the number of funeral's and viewings we attended in December.  From my dad's neighbor who passed in his early 60's from brain cancer, to the funeral my husband just officiated on Monday, to dear friend's of ours who lost their beloved son, brother, husband & father suddenly at the age of 35.  In the midst of family's celebrating the Holiday's, there was much grief.  While many of us were laughing, sharing, shopping, wrapping & panicking over the perfect gift, others were trying to process great tragedy, and feeling that there may not be a reason to laugh again.

I, myself, struggled with the loss of my mom - even though this was our 5th Christmas without her here. Perhaps it was watching others grieve.  Perhaps it was the fact that we have a new baby, and I'd love nothing more than to see her hold my little one.  Perhaps it's just the ache that is always there, and the Holiday's are a reminder of those we miss most.

Either way, I thought of when Dave & I were first married and he accepted a part-time position as a youth Pastor, while he finished his seminary training.  During those years at Trinity Baptist any time Dave would stand up to speak, or give announcements, he would begin by saying "God is good."  The congregation would then respond with, "All the time."  Then Dave would say, "All the time," and the congregation would respond with, "God is good."  Whenever we face trials I am reminded that "God is good.  All the time." Whether I feel Him there, or not.  God is good.  This phrase would go on to impact my family in a great way during my mom's battle with cancer.  Mom reminded all of us that God is good, all the time.  When mom passed I told my dad that this phrase needed to be on her headstone, and it is.

So, I think about all the hustle and bustle we went through in December, and I think about the many families that were affected by loved ones passing, and I know that this truth still remains.  God is good.  All the time! Because of His son, Jesus Christ, we have reason to celebrate.  We can have hope.  He came to earth as a man with the purpose of dying on the cross to pay the penalty for our sins.  If we put our faith in Him we may know eternal life in Heaven some day.

May 2014 be a year to focus more on the goodness of God!